There are endless ways in which I know he is different. It’s not different in a bad way, but it somehow scares me. He says it scares him too. What are we afraid of? Are we afraid to leap? It’s a strange visual to consider one leaping. Where are we leaping from? Where are we landing? Why is it called falling in love? Sometimes I think that love pushes us off a cliff. It is not up to us. Love gives us a forceful shove and it is up to the other person to catch us. Last time it happened I don’t think he caught me. It wasn’t fair at all. It was a three-ring circus and he was the star trapeze artist. I always caught his weak body supporting him through the maneuver so he could end the show strong with a smile on his soul less face. I barely landed the greatest trick of them all but I slipped right through his arm and proceeded to free fall. I knew I was free-falling because I felt that nauseous empty feeling in my stomach and I knew my life would never be the same. I don’t want to leap and wait for someone to catch me. I am a high diver now. I am making that leap myself. He is making that leap too. We are falling at equal speeds and landing in the same place. We are falling into that water, and the water feels cleansing.

Most people talk about leaping when they are talking about taking a big step in their lives. God lays everything out for us perfectly. He paves the road for us, we just have to get off our stubborn butts and go down that road to see where it leads. He was there all along, I was just too dumb to see it. I finally got the courage to take that long trip up the diving board and leap. The view looks so much different from the top. How come I’ve never been up here before? It’s not so bad it is just different. There are endless ways in which I know he is different.

My first tattoo is of a butterfly. I know it is one of the most cliché things in the world to get and I HATE clichés with a passion. Although, I truly feel butterflies perfectly embody my spirit. Butterflies represent freedom and independence. They are extremely delicate and fragile, therefore easily harmed. They start out as something ugly hidden away, but in time they break free as something changed for the better. A “social butterfly” is a figure of speech describing someone who loves social situations. It is as if I thrive on social situations. I love meeting new people and learning about them. I love helping people. It is my life’s purpose. I have never been called a social butterfly until now. He calls it a talent. In the past, it was always something that got me in trouble. I was accused of flirting and accused of cheating when I didn’t. I never saw it as a talent. It is such a Kismet that, in a place called the Butterfly Lounge, an ex-psychiatrist would tell me to find someone who brings out the best in me. He continued to emphasize: It has to be someone where you are the best version of yourself around them. That came to be true quicker than I thought it would.

There is something different about him. I don’t hold anything back from him. I don’t alter anything about myself when I am around him no matter where we are or what we are doing. A lot of women talk about “training” a man. Little did I realize, I have always been the puppy reacting and adapting to my owner. After a puppy has been abused, he still recoils upon seeing an arm raised or hearing a loud noise. I have never been abused but I realized now that I was conditioned. I still find myself reacting to him the way I have in past relationships and it aggravates me. He told me he will never crush my wings. He wants to see all the beautiful colors on my wings. He wants me to fly as far as I can. I knew that I had wings, I’ve just never used them to their full potential. I thought I was flying free until I got up on this diving board. I didn’t know I was being trapped because I just couldn’t see the right perspective. I love that he was able to show me this perspective. So we made that leap together and it didn’t just happen by accident. Two fragile hearts don’t just haphazardly fall into love. They consciously take a leap and love is where they land.

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